The gaze that flees from the mirror

Destacado

The epiphany of chance


Once you find love, you’ve found something else. A sempiternal gaze to transcendence. Being in front of the loved being is to see yourself in the mirror of those eyes; a mirror which doesn’t reflect your face but your feelings and even your thoughts. That’s why we tend to look for somebody similar to ourselves. This is an instinctive way to know ourselves so we can grow through it as human beings.

The first thing we love is a scene. The love affair requires of this suddenness, a nuance of religiosity, the love’s encounter is an epiphany. The scene reveals randomly and whimsically parts of a universe that you had never seen before in another way, with other meanings. The scene consecrates the object I am going to love.

“The context is the constellation of elements, harmoniously arranged that encompass the experience of the amorous subject.”

― Roland Barthes, A Lover’s Discourse: Fragments

They are two for a kind, enough of momentary bliss. In this beginning, we are two ships pushed by the same wind blow and under the same sunshine. We both look at the future as witnesses of all the ways in which a man and woman can reinvent themselves. Two disembodied souls can allow to understand the world in dazzling new ways; the amorous bliss.

At times, the fruits of the tree of time and unawareness of our acts, the rapture of present leads us to unknown and unwanted moors and then, this connection is lost. Yes, I’m not going to talk about how beautiful love is. If you felt love for just a fleeting moment in your entire life, you know exactly what I am talking about…

The burial


Once love is gone, a bunch of unanswered questions come to us: – Do they miss us ever? How does the person who break the relationship feels?. Many of the questions after a breakup, revolve around what the other person does, says, or lives within himself.

Obviously, there are nuances depending on each case. Depending on how deep the love you both felt was, releasing the bond you both shared is not that simple. The break is actually forged long ago: which means one’s have lived a long run of doubt, secretly mourn, to fight with itself, of self-deception, attempting to hold on and finally, to psych progressively the relationship has to be finished.

Many people will remain clinging on the cold comfort of occasional good times; feeling afraid of being outside alone and single again. For this reason, most of the break ups are made when a third person appears.

When you are thinking of leaving a relationship, you have many attempts. So, you see yourself alone, you look sad, you start to remember good times and suddenly comes to you an attack in which you feel you can not live without this person.

The first emotions that appear when you leave a relationship are relief, guilt and fear. Relief, because you have doubted for so long and finally you took the decision; guilt for the pain suffered by someone you loved; fear, because it could go wrong and you might have failed.

The fear experienced by the person who decides to put an end to the relationship takes place on different forms. An externalized and projected guilt upon the other or in the same way, they blame themselves. Already known phrases start to emerge like: ” if you had changed”, “if I had put more attention”, “it´s not you, it´s me”; etcetera.

The answer to face the fear commonly tends to be the escape. – don’t talk to me. – Don’t call me anymore. – I don’t wanna see you never more. At this point, everything seems a disappointment scene, the other appear in front of us as a stranger. but we aren’t talking with them but with their fear and sadness.

By now, a kind of sadness in the form of melancholy that hopefully will give way to nostalgia takes possession of us. Softly, a quiet breeze blows a smoke cloud woven with caresses, affection, hugs; which meant the context of the relationship, not the relationship itself.

The Melancholy should be suffered in silence but right there is where those surprising calls come, those messages, attempts to maintain friendships that encourage the hopes of the other or diffuse promises of a hypothetical future return, all followed by an untimely disappearance.

That is, who leaves a relationship often also live a remnant of grief, a whiplash of fear or nostalgia and in response, feel the sudden urge to contact the former partner to provide him relief, that exists, to feel that someone somewhere still loves you. Once the former partner responds with any hint of anger, being caring, etc. … Who sent the S.O.S feels safe and secure and will then no longer hear from her until the next nostalgic attack. In a way, those calls and messages will serve to reaffirm their decision not to doubt it.

Our promises were grounded on the impermanence of things. The children cry, the seasons pass away, lovers change affections. I can’t classify the other because the other is, precisely, unique. A singular Image which miraculously has come to correspond with my desire. The other is the figure of my truth, and cannot be imprisoned in any stereotype. A can, a capsule because the other is not anything itself, the other is a flow.

We were friends and have become estranged. In fact, we want to conceal and obscure it from ourselves as if we had reason to feel ashamed. We are two ships each of which has its course; our paths may cross and share a moment, as we did, I could see two evanescent whispers under a sunshine that it may have looked as if it had reached the heights. But then the mighty force of our fates drove us apart again into different seas, and perhaps we shall never see each other again; perhaps we shall meet again, but fail to recognize each other. The exposure to different seas and suns has changed us.

After the fall of dead leaves the spring comes through with her songs and new fragrances. We will find other tears, Those memories move us to the point of tear because there is a cognitive dissonance between what we expected and what we actually found. A sort of serendipity; this is such a mystery. These moments in which we are moved to the point of tears; that define our lives. These moments are an italicized experience, these moments pregnant with significance, these moments of revelations in silence where staring into the iris of a lover’s eye get the shivers down your spine. These are the new tears that we will find. So now, we can just say thank you.

By Juan Silva

12/09/15

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Love, tragedy and art

“The gesture of the amorous embrace seems to fulfill, for a time, the subject´s dreams of total union with the loved being, the longing for consummation with the other” Roland Barthes

When we fall in love we become artists, the willingness to surrender and give one’s self to some higher state of consciousness, beyond all the previous meanings is an artistic inspiration itself. We wake up upon another kind of truth and reality, The inner space in your own head. The vulnerability that opens the doors to our insides, blending into one another, becoming one another to take that leap.

The perfect consummation with the loved one is a consecration with perfection itself. All our guilt, fear, sadness, even this empty feeling can be purged by joining our destiny to this known fate.

In intimacy, two become one. Two separated minds, two different worlds create a unique universe where gravity puts you in the orbit of those arms. We create spaces of comfort and divinity, a shared universe for one another where we can find solace, peace. Being gods and goddesses outside of time, outside of despair, floating above the clouds of entropic banality. A paradise where we cannot die, how? if we can see our immortal soul, swimming in the pool of the radiance of love.

Every love has a mythology inside, it´s a fairy tale and every truly real kiss is an attempt to deny our own decay, an attempt to escape from our own mortality. That´s why we see the promise of eternity when we fall in love with someone we care about. Life’s riddle is an unknown answer where we put gods, angels and even the cynic emptiness of a life and world with no sense. This hole is fed with the mystical point of view of life itself. Without gods in the temple of our soul we deify the other; they are the wings, she(or he) becomes the sun because what we really hope to gain from love is transcendence by merging with an incarnation of the lost divinity. The amorous dialogue is a prayer that we used to do to our gods and goddesses. Being in love with a really opened heart is a sacrifice and we are the sheep. The whole purpose of the human condition is to find transcendence and leave our animality behind. This is the reason for this urge to merge that we all feel.

Once love ends, there’s a breeze of melancholic memories as a framed reality, playing back there for you in front of your eyes. We seek into the scenes that our memories bring back, now as a witness of the story that we lived. An intersubjective buddhist space where two became one, to the encounter of the lost partner. We stop at the scene of the cuddling, the kind gaze, the time of lost promises seeking to recreate the path we followed. It is not too hard to know how it feels to be in mourning. Someone you loved with your whole heart represents death to you if this love is gone. The loved object is the reason to elevate yourself by swimming into those eyes.

Therefore, contemplate the idea that all of this is gone. This is the moment to write a poem, sing a song, do whatever you wish to do as an unsuccessful attempt to frame that holy moment to at least cement the tragedy by saving it. It happened, we existed, we felt something that we just can’t remember once we are out of paradise.

Yes. it’s a tragedy, I know, but is how we make art.

By Juan José Da-Silva & Feliz