The epiphany of chance
Once you find love, you’ve found something else. A sempiternal gaze to transcendence. Being in front of the loved being is to see yourself in the mirror of those eyes; a mirror which doesn’t reflect your face but your feelings and even your thoughts. That’s why we tend to look for somebody similar to ourselves. This is an instinctive way to know ourselves so we can grow through it as human beings.
The first thing we love is a scene. The love affair requires of this suddenness, a nuance of religiosity, the love’s encounter is an epiphany. The scene reveals randomly and whimsically parts of a universe that you had never seen before in another way, with other meanings. The scene consecrates the object I am going to love.
“The context is the constellation of elements, harmoniously arranged that encompass the experience of the amorous subject.”
― Roland Barthes, A Lover’s Discourse: Fragments
They are two for a kind, enough of momentary bliss. In this beginning, we are two ships pushed by the same wind blow and under the same sunshine. We both look at the future as witnesses of all the ways in which a man and woman can reinvent themselves. Two disembodied souls can allow to understand the world in dazzling new ways; the amorous bliss.
At times, the fruits of the tree of time and unawareness of our acts, the rapture of present leads us to unknown and unwanted moors and then, this connection is lost. Yes, I’m not going to talk about how beautiful love is. If you felt love for just a fleeting moment in your entire life, you know exactly what I am talking about…
Once love is gone, a bunch of unanswered questions come to us: – Do they miss us ever? How does the person who break the relationship feels?. Many of the questions after a breakup, revolve around what the other person does, says, or lives within himself.
Obviously, there are nuances depending on each case. Depending on how deep the love you both felt was, releasing the bond you both shared is not that simple. The break is actually forged long ago: which means one’s have lived a long run of doubt, secretly mourn, to fight with itself, of self-deception, attempting to hold on and finally, to psych progressively the relationship has to be finished.
Many people will remain clinging on the cold comfort of occasional good times; feeling afraid of being outside alone and single again. For this reason, most of the break ups are made when a third person appears.
When you are thinking of leaving a relationship, you have many attempts. So, you see yourself alone, you look sad, you start to remember good times and suddenly comes to you an attack in which you feel you can not live without this person.
The first emotions that appear when you leave a relationship are relief, guilt and fear. Relief, because you have doubted for so long and finally you took the decision; guilt for the pain suffered by someone you loved; fear, because it could go wrong and you might have failed.
The fear experienced by the person who decides to put an end to the relationship takes place on different forms. An externalized and projected guilt upon the other or in the same way, they blame themselves. Already known phrases start to emerge like: ” if you had changed”, “if I had put more attention”, “it´s not you, it´s me”; etcetera.
The answer to face the fear commonly tends to be the escape. – don’t talk to me. – Don’t call me anymore. – I don’t wanna see you never more. At this point, everything seems a disappointment scene, the other appear in front of us as a stranger. but we aren’t talking with them but with their fear and sadness.
By now, a kind of sadness in the form of melancholy that hopefully will give way to nostalgia takes possession of us. Softly, a quiet breeze blows a smoke cloud woven with caresses, affection, hugs; which meant the context of the relationship, not the relationship itself.
The Melancholy should be suffered in silence but right there is where those surprising calls come, those messages, attempts to maintain friendships that encourage the hopes of the other or diffuse promises of a hypothetical future return, all followed by an untimely disappearance.
That is, who leaves a relationship often also live a remnant of grief, a whiplash of fear or nostalgia and in response, feel the sudden urge to contact the former partner to provide him relief, that exists, to feel that someone somewhere still loves you. Once the former partner responds with any hint of anger, being caring, etc. … Who sent the S.O.S feels safe and secure and will then no longer hear from her until the next nostalgic attack. In a way, those calls and messages will serve to reaffirm their decision not to doubt it.
Our promises were grounded on the impermanence of things. The children cry, the seasons pass away, lovers change affections. I can’t classify the other because the other is, precisely, unique. A singular Image which miraculously has come to correspond with my desire. The other is the figure of my truth, and cannot be imprisoned in any stereotype. A can, a capsule because the other is not anything itself, the other is a flow.
We were friends and have become estranged. In fact, we want to conceal and obscure it from ourselves as if we had reason to feel ashamed. We are two ships each of which has its course; our paths may cross and share a moment, as we did, I could see two evanescent whispers under a sunshine that it may have looked as if it had reached the heights. But then the mighty force of our fates drove us apart again into different seas, and perhaps we shall never see each other again; perhaps we shall meet again, but fail to recognize each other. The exposure to different seas and suns has changed us.
After the fall of dead leaves the spring comes through with her songs and new fragrances. We will find other tears, Those memories move us to the point of tear because there is a cognitive dissonance between what we expected and what we actually found. A sort of serendipity; this is such a mystery. These moments in which we are moved to the point of tears; that define our lives. These moments are an italicized experience, these moments pregnant with significance, these moments of revelations in silence where staring into the iris of a lover’s eye get the shivers down your spine. These are the new tears that we will find. So now, we can just say thank you.
By Juan Silva